Coming of Age in This New Normal

On March 10th, 2020, the reality of what was happening in the world hit so hard I lost my breath while sitting at my desk reading about the horrible conditions in hospitals in Italy.  When I said goodbye to my assistant for the day I told her not to come back, it was no longer safe, Coronavirus was no longer a punchline, it was now a dictating force in our everyday lives.  I scrambled to reschedule clients, I reached out to those who were still on my calendar, especially the family who would be celebrating their son’s Bar Mitzvah that weekend.  Was it still a go? My nose was a tad runny, probably just allergies, but what if it wasn’t? Would they even feel safe having me?  Would the venue still be open? I was on the phone with the mom every single day until late Friday night when she told me they were canceling for the weekend. They didn’t know if they were going to postpone, they didn’t know what they were going to do, and eventually, the venue closed making the call for them.  This wasn’t happening this weekend.

This was one of two Bar/Bat Mitzvahs I had scheduled for the next few months, two Jewish coming-of-age ceremonies.  These kids had spent months, even years, preparing for this special day in their lives.  Parties were planned, venues were booked, flowers were ordered, deposits were made, but now an actual act of God/force of nature, whatever you want to call it would make their visions for their big day in their Jewish lives impossible.  After all, we didn’t just close down for a day, we closed down for almost three months, completely, and there was simply nothing any of us could do at that moment. Sadly, my biggest concern was if I was asked to refund the deposits.  Since I was unable to work during those three months, only stepping out of my house to walk my dog, I couldn’t sacrifice that cash.  Instead, I hoped that if that conversation came to fruition, I could offer my services in the future so that I had enough to pay my rent.

Then, in June, things started to open up a bit, and both clients called to send me their new dates, they were going to make this happen one way or another.  Their tweens knew that it wouldn’t be the day they originally hoped for, but they weren’t going to put this moment off any longer.  Too much work had been put into these milestones, too many hours of studying, practicing, and tutoring to put them off any longer. We would adapt to the new normal, we would look at the CDC guidelines, we would have our masks and stay outside, we would limit our guests and keep our distance, and it would be great. I grabbed my new mask with my logo on the side, a bottle of hand sanitizer, and my longest zoom lens. I was good to go.

Ceremonies were going to be outside, with a very limited number of people.  Instead of a party at Michael’s in Highland Park, it was going to be a dinner for close family in the backyard.  Instead of filling the synagogue with a hundred or so guests, it was just a handful in the courtyard. But above all else, it was still going to be their special day, just stripped down from the fancy dresses, ear thumping DJ’s and their dancers, and no one was giving away Boise headphones while standing on a speaker.  Quite honestly, these Mitzvahs are more moving and more powerful than the ones I’ve photographed during normal life, and I’ve been honored to be a part of making these teenagers feel special on their big day.

Recently, many synagogues have opened up for the sole purpose of letting their congregants hold their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs.  With a limited number of people in the room, with the mandatory wearing of masks, with plexiglass put up at the podiums, with the cantor (spiritual song leader) in one room, while the rabbi and family are in the other room, and with a Zoom link for every guest, Jewish families have continued to celebrate these coming-of-age ceremonies. But the infected numbers are rising all over the country, hospitals are once again overwhelmed, and in Illinois, it is highly recommended that you stay safe at home for the next month.  Yes, I have another Mitzvah on my calendar this year, and yes, I have a feeling some difficult conversations are about to happen.  But we are flexible, we are adaptable, and one way or another we will figure out how to celebrate safely in this strange time.